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Kile Onasi

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Got a letter in the mail today. I was asked to share it. [May. 3rd, 2013|04:28 pm]
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[Trigger warning: eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia), emotional relationship abuse, death.]

I am going to post the letter as it was written to me, with spelling, grammar and syntax intact. Please share this story on; I ask that you leave it and the trigger warnings at the top of this post intact.

Hey Kila,

Audrey's story is saddest because it could have been avoided. I'm telling it to the best of my ability.

Audrey was 21 When she died on Wednesday (April 10, 2013). She was 5'8" and weighed 98 lbs. She was anorexic and bulimic.

She grew up with no strong male influences in her life, and her family pushed her to be mor perfect than she already was. She was a choir and band student, She was active in theature, She volunteered at safe-house.

Her eating disorder started with her first boyfriend, who harped on her for her weight constantly. She threw up after every meal for Her entire highschool life.

She got to the point that she could no longer control it. It became something that her body automatically did. She was brought to the hospital about three weeks before she died, nearly dead at that time,

She spent the last three weeks of her life with her mother and baby sister (Bella is five years old.). The night she died, they watched The odd life of Timothy Green.

Like the boy in this movie, Audrey gave away her leaves. She donated enough of her body to help 57 people. Those people will help others, and so on.

Have a nice day, Kila. Please don't write me back. [smiley face]

[name redacted]

The letter came with a photograph of Audrey, and this was written on the back:

Audrey D. Hughes

21 years old

died on April 10th, 2013 of

Anorexia and


Pass her story on.

Words. do. Hurt.
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I got some very bad news today. (a eulogy of sorts) [Apr. 26th, 2013|06:04 pm]
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I learned that friend of mine (who I had fallen out of contact with for a while for personal reasons) committed suicide a few months ago. I don't know why, but then, I suppose people rarely really know why. Her suicide was apparently recent, because she was last active on a website we both are members of in August of 2012.

This person (who I'll refer to as F) was, when I knew her, one of the kindest, warmest, most cheerful people I've ever met, always there to calm disputes with cake. I sometimes worried about her social life, but as she seemed happy--one of the more happy people I've meet, in fact--I didn't think it was a problem. I've heard people say there was a reason that drove her to it, but as anyone with knowledge of clinical depression knows, it is not caused by external forces but by a disease which alters your perception of those forces. Still though, I wish I could have been there for her, to comfort and encourage her until this illness (depression) went away.

I'm sorry, F, for not being there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry that you saw no way out but this. If there is an afterlife, I sorely hope that, wherever you are you are happy.
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I think if I were to eat meat at this point I would become physically ill [Apr. 24th, 2013|01:44 am]
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[Current Location |Chanute, Kansas]

Anyway, four month mark of not eating any animal flesh haha. Got lazy about halfway through and started feeling the effects of mild protein deficiency. I was always lazy before, and old habits die hard.

I do feel better though. Aside from the drain on energy caused by restricted breathing1 I feel just, lighter. Not "lighter" in the physical sense, as in thinner, but "lighter" as in--I guess revitalized would be the best term. I guess the main reason for that is I'm no longer allowed to be lazy: I actually have to care about what I'm eating beyond "does it taste good?"

I really miss fish though.

1: The breathing problems are not due to diet, but because of binding, and it's not bad, just tight. So, uh, gimme your money so I can get these things hacked off, eh?
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I'm comin' fer yer wikis [Apr. 23rd, 2013|05:14 pm]
[Current Location |Chanute, Kansas]
[Current Mood |crafty]

I just realized that it's been over a year since I was made Conservator on WikiFur (and quite a bit longer for me becoming EDitor on Encyclopedia Dramatica).

I've also edited (albeit less frequently) several other wikis in that time, including Wikipedia, AnOtherWiki, RationalWiki, Wookieepedia...I could go on. I wonder what it is about wikis that makes me like them so much? The majority of my online time is spent either browsing or actively editing them.

I'm still not full admin on any site yet...but I'm a'comin'.
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I very much would like to see some sort of mental-health professional about my nonhuman identity [Aug. 11th, 2012|02:19 pm]
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It bothers me sometimes to the point of great stress. Not so much that it exists in and of itself, but how it affects the way I interact with the world, and vice versa, particularly now that I'm older and my insistence (in relevant conversations) of "No, I'm not human" are no longer passed off as the simple play-game of an imaginative youngster but the signs of mental instability and a tenuous grip on reality in an adolescent.

Or, perhaps worse, I am labelled as someone with a "hipster identity".

How does this affect my behaviour? Well, aside from occasionally disregarding what I know is "normal"--if I want to gnaw on things, I'm going to gnaw on things--it also makes me more agressive than I normally would be, than I am when who and what I am doesn't bother me so much.

I've started physical fights before simply because someone I'm already angry with "probably would think I'm crazy if they knew what I was on the inside".

But, I've seen MHPs twice in the past (both for anger-management issues, treating a symptom instead of the cause) and neither time was I willing to articulate these feelings of dysphoria and (sometimes) dysmorphia I experience to them.

How can a child quite explain to a person with such authority over their future that they look in the mirror and long to be different?

Nothing is worse than having someone whose job it is to sort out the crazies from the rest call you crazy.

But, I think I can handle it now. I'd like to try, at any rate.
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I haven't been to LJ since April [Jul. 4th, 2012|05:15 pm]

So uh, how is everyone?
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Oh, I ended up in the creepy part of YouTube again... [Apr. 22nd, 2012|05:21 pm]
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[Current Mood |amusedamused]

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Leaving Encyclopedia Dramatica [Apr. 1st, 2012|08:19 am]
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Due to recent events in my life, I am ceasing my activity with all things related to ED: the wiki, the forums, the IRC...heck, I'll even unfollow the site's Twitter account. That part of my life is dead now, and I want nothing more to do with it. This means quitting cold turkey: no weaning myself off, no two weeks' notice. I am gone from there, for good. In other news, is it really the first of April now? Silly me.
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Ah, nostalgia <3 [Mar. 29th, 2012|07:33 pm]
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I don't know why I like old furry movies so much. I was never interested in the human ones, except Mulan and Beauty and the Beast, and that's because my focus was on the anthropomorphic characters. In fact I was downright disappointed that the Beast turned back into a prince D:

Anyway, I've been watching old Disney stuff/listening to their music on YouTube, so have a song from Oliver & Co.

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